Facebook and Modesty

I don’t think a lot of people realize the ramifications of the things they do, and how it may affect other people.

Before I begin, I want you to know I have wanted to write about this for a while, but I have been hesitant to. Why? Well, I obviously am aware of how many people I may offend. This is a subject that I know several people will find offensive and want to dispute my feelings, but after much consideration I have decided to write it anyway. I don’t think a lot of people realize the ramifications of the things they do, and how it may affect other people. That being said, I also feel it needs to be said, and hopefully instead of getting offended, you will examine your thoughts and actions and hopefully see the point I am trying to get across.

Who doesn’t have a Facebook account? It’s a place to reconnect with people we haven’t talked to in years, keep in touch with friends who move away, and just see what the people we see on a daily basis are up to. We post pictures, read blogs, and occasionally take whatever quiz our friends are passing along. I personally love Facebook because 90% of the people I love and care about live at least 1500 miles away from me and it’s easy to keep in touch in a very involved way, or just in passing. They can see pictures of my boys and know what is going on in my life without them being upset when I just don’t have time to call them. But in the 3 years since I have joined the FB world, there have been many times I have asked myself “What was that person thinking?”

One of the most popular fads that has come through the social networking site was the quest to raise awareness for Breast cancer. Some of us were shocked and appalled when women started posting the color of the bra they were wearing, and some innocently joined in thinking it was just a fun little game. Yes, I said innocently. I do not believe that every woman who participated had thought of what this would do to their friends of the opposite sex. In fact, I know of several people who had no idea until it was brought to their attention. My own family (who are Christians) played along and when I opposed and told them why, they completely understood and were regretful. But unfortunately this is not the only time immodesty on Facebook has been an issue, and I will again say I believe it is not always intentional.

Is what you are posting going to lead to a visual image you wouldn’t want anyone else but your husband to have?

In our house, we discuss modesty and impure actions all of the time. I have 3 boys and odds are against them when it comes to such things as pornography and unclean thoughts. They are young men and are just constructed that way. We discuss how to keep their minds clean and try to think of every instance we can to help them. But sometimes things are just going to come up that will completely blindside them, and for that it is not all their fault. The reason we discuss these things is because my husband has had to learn them. He has allowed me to share with you that he has deleted many friends and even his own Facebook account because sometimes the posts women put up are too much for him to handle.

So let me ask you to reevaluate what you post on Facebook. Is what you are posting going to lead to a visual image you wouldn’t want anyone else but your husband to have? (yes, this includes telling everyone how much you enjoyed your bubble bath or shower. Believe me, I know how absolutely relaxing it is, but you never know who will be affected in a way you wouldn’t want them to) Do you post words or abbreviations for words that would be slang for something else? (yes, this includes OMG) Do you have pictures on Facebook that leave an ungodly image of yourself? (yes, this includes pictures from 5 or 10 years ago)

Again, I am aware that a lot of women will be offended by this article, but I would ask that before you post anything to Facebook, ask yourself these questions

  • Does the picture/post show that I am a Christian?
  • Will this picture/post be seen by a man and make him have unchristian thoughts about me?
  • Is this a picture/post I would show God if He was my FB friend?

“Set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” 1 Tim 4:12b

Let’s be careful to examine ourselves, and strive to not be the reason a man stumbles or falls from God because of what we post on Facebook. It can be a truly great thing if we let it, and it can also be a disastrous thing if we let it. Which will it be for your FB friends?

By Wanda Gail Coker
Wanda Gail and her husband, James, are graduates of Bear Valley Bible institute of Denver. They currently reside in Woodland Park, CO where James is serving a pulpit minister at the Woodland Park Church of Christ. They have been married for eight years and have three boys: Caleb, Mason and Jacob.


Filed under Christian living

23 responses to “Facebook and Modesty

  1. Linda Davis

    I appreciated your words (no offense taken). Thank your for being a light in this world! Keep writing.

    • Awesome post, on a much needed topic. I’m a woman but I’ve also put an “ignore” on more than one person for their speech on FB. (And felt a little guilty for doing so since it seemed like the things being said were popular or common or “all in fun”.) Even the gaming posts can be full of innuendos at times.

      Thank you for your openness, honesty, and encouragement on this issue. I needed to read this… I needed to know I wasn’t alone.

  2. Love this article! There are a lot of times that I see a post/picture/etc. and wonder “What was ____ thinking?!” I hope and pray that I will be wise in the things *I* post so that no one will think that of me. Before I met my husband and became a Christian, I had no sense of modesty. I’m just fortunate facebook wasn’t around back then… Thanks for the great reminder.

  3. Alicia Bookout

    Thank you, Wanda Gail! This is a great article and SO needed! It is sad to me to see so many Christian ladies post things that shock me. This is good for us all to remember though and double check before we hit “post”.

  4. Kerstin Allison

    Thank You Wanda! Great Article!

  5. Wanda Gail,
    Thank You! This article was handled in gentleness, love and wisdom!! It is very needed in this computer age. I pray that we women, young and old, take this to heart and consider each and every word and image that we post.

  6. Dena Ivie

    Thank you for a much needed article. I appreciate your willingness to address this matter. I well understand the persecution that most likely will arise from this. Hold fast!

  7. Alethea

    We need to remember to monitor our sons and daughters because they may be doing these things to fit in without thinking. Also my son has a facebook and we often have to remove girls who post supposedly innocent banquet-prom-beach pictures that really nobody should be looking at. Thank you for the very important reminder.

  8. Laurie Olmstead

    Thank you! I truly appreciated your openness and courage in posting this. I am greatly disturbed by the things that people put on facebook, text to one another, and email. They do not always stop and consider, and we must always be cautious and thoughtful of God’s purpose for us. God bless you for your openness.

  9. Wonderful, and much needed article! Nope, it may not be popular, but that’s okay :) I Peter 4:4 – “they think it strange that you do not run with them” … there are many things I avoid, and many friends I have hidden and deleted because of their posts and comments. God bless!

  10. Wonderful article. So many people don’t stop to think that what they put on FB is public. Don’t post anything you may regret later.

  11. Jennifer M

    What a great reminder! Thank you!

  12. about time someone had the courage to stand up and say “enough already”.

  13. John Meadows

    Thanks for the very NEEDED & thoughtful remerks. Think we all could do more to recognise what we’re saying & posting on FB.

  14. Daniela

    It’s not offensive. It’s the truth! I have deleted so many pictures due to immodesty, but I hate that I can’t do anything about those pictures from 6 years ago (during a time I didn’t care to dress modestly) on other people’s profiles of me that they still have up from high school. I can only hide them on my own profile now that FB has given users the option, but that is about it. It certainly makes me think even more now about what I wear because you never know who has taken a picture of you and what they’ll post.

  15. Carolyn Rottman

    Thank you for posting words that need to get out to everyone. Innocently many have posted – without thinking. I have avoided facebook “friends” other than my own children and grandchildren.
    God bless you for your courage and wisdom.

  16. Thank you for writing about such a very important topic. Sadly, even Christians need to be taught and reminded what is appropriate and what is inappropriate. You did a very good job of not offending and giving some needed wisdom concerning immodest posts on Facebook. It is a very serious matter and I am so glad you brought the topic up. God bless you!

  17. Maggie Walker

    Thank you for writing this article. I am really embarrassed about some things my Christian friends post and also about family and friends who are not Christians. I, like your husband, have thought about getting off Facebook or hiding certain ones but I always think there might be a chance I can show them Christ. I have spoken up on Facebook and did offend a Christian sister who was posting things unbecoming to a Christian. I want people to know that members of the Lord’s church do not act like the world, even though we love them and God loves them.

  18. Excellent reminder. Thanks for stepping out of your comfort zone to say what needed to be said in a gentle way.

  19. Heidi Rice

    I don’t believe that you have to apologize for this at all. I messaged a Christian friend to tell her that the whole bra color thing did not actually do anything to help the breast cancer cause, but instead was inapporpriate, same with the alcoholic beverage post. She agreed with me and deleted her post. Some people thought they were helping breast cancer and some wanted an excuse to post something “naughty.” Thank you for reminding us that things we post do affect others.

  20. So glad you had the courage to post this article. I too am disappointed in some of the ones who call themselves Christians and then put shady posts and/or copy other’s shady stuff to their page. I hope many get to read this. Thanks again for standing against such.

  21. THANKYOU!!!! —–there ARE still people in the world that stand for godliness!!! —even MEN!!! WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!

  22. Jack

    Very informative article! :)

    I would like to point out one other thing as well. Modesty isn’t just about not creating images that explicitly dishonor Christ. It’s also about not being self-centered and not boasting. It seems to me that FB is inherently narcissistic: “Woo, hoo–look at me!!! Look at my loved ones!! See what we’ve been doing! Now, aren’t we just so *interesting*!!!!!” :)

    1 John 2:16 says: “For everything in the world–the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does–comes not from the Father but from the world.”

    I think it’s OK for Christians to be on FB (even though FB seems pretty worldly to me), as long as they don’t succumb to the narcissism that seems to be epidemic in our culture today. But frankly, FB makes that difficult to do. Some folks would probably be better off just deleting their FB accounts IMO.

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